I had a very busy week. But if you know me, you know that life has been busy these last few months. I run the house, have a husband and son, and pets. I'm trying to write book 8 in The Renegades Series. I work very part-part-time and I now help with my Grandmother more than I used to, and with that, my stress level has increased. It's hard to not get snippy in that position, and even harder to accomplish any writing. I wouldn't NOT spend the time with her, because she IS my Grandmother, I just need to learn to manage my stress better. Somehow. (Maybe I need more beach in my life?)
Last weekend was a book signing in Baltimore, and we had a great time. Got to see some friends and make new ones. (And I totally fan-girled over Helena Hunting)
We also visited with family in Baltimore, then with family in Delaware. I caught some sun at the beach (my happy place) and got my fix of the salty ocean air.
It was a very nice week. First morning back home, I woke up feeling energized and with a very low, possibly non-existent stress level. I even cleaned the kitchen and the dining room for the first time in months. Yes, you heard that right. Months. My son even commented on how nice it looked. It did. I'm annoyed at myself for putting it off for so long. But when I am home, I'm either writing, or so exhausted that I don't move from the couch. That's a far cry from me being home almost 24/7.
But that day I felt great. I wanted more days like that.
I was going to pull out the computer and get some work done later that day while still on my stress-free high. Then it all came crashing down around me.
We got a message that a dear family friend had taken his own life.
Just like that.
He was just gone.
You know that older cousin you have that is super-cool? They do say your cousins are your first best-friends. Well, to us, that's who he was. He was like that cousin that was like your best friend, yet he was no blood relation.
So there went my happy and energetic mood, and now I was just numb. Probably in shock, but numb.
I went through the motions for the rest of the day in a fog. Needless to say, not doing any writing.
Ironically, I was watching a Supernatural episode yesterday morning. Dean had to be "Death" for 24hours. He had to take people when their number was up, whether he liked it or not. I believe the little girl said to Dean, "Natural Order sucks" and he responded "Honestly, I agree". Maybe I'm paraphrasing, but you get the just.
Yes, I agree with you too fictional television characters. It sucks.
I had known this particular family friend all of my life, literally. If I had to guess, I met him and his family when I was maybe 5 or 6?? They were my neighbors growing up. They were more like family to us then just friends or neighbors. His mother was who introduced me to hockey. She'd have us neighborhood kids over to watch the games sometimes. Or we'd sit on her porch with her, sit on the porch swing and talk hockey. She was pretty awesome. Her favorite Penguin was Darius Kasparaitis.
I remember having a kool-aid stand in our front yard, now mind you, we lived on the end of a dead-end street. So the foot traffic to our little kool-aid stand was non-existant. But he'd come home from school, or work, whatever he was doing at the time, and stop over at our stand and buy some kool-aid.
He was ten years older than me, and I was the oldest child in our little group. But we all got along so well. He'd play street hockey with us, or swim, or just generally be goofy.
He was the "cool" older kid, and he picked us to hang out with.
To this day, he referred to me as the nickname I was given about 23yrs ago by a girl at my first job.
He even went with me to a work Christmas party as my date, after the boy I asked backed out. I remember him dancing like a wild man, and really having a great time. Even though he lived right across the street, he dropped me off in my driveway.
He was the kind of guy you could talk hockey with, football, baseball, and The Simpsons. His Homer Simpson impression was the best!
He was going to teach my son to ice skate.
He was going to take my son fishing.
We were going to get together soon.
I still can't wrap my head around this news.
I'm sick.
I'm sad.
I'm still hoping it's all a bad dream.
Most of all I just don't understand. And I don't think I ever will.
Depression sucks.
I will not ever pretend to understand what the folks who suffer from it think or feel. I will never understand what my friend was dealing with. He was the kindest, funniest, friendliest, sweetest, most easy going guy I ever met. I still am struggling with this news, and my brain (or maybe my heart) refuse to comprehend it. Yet the tears are still flowing every time he comes to mind. And I know me lending an ear, or offering to listen won't "solve" the problem. But it's a start. It's something that I can offer.
I'm no therapist, but I can be a friend. If anyone reading this thinks no one is listening, try me.
I'm on Facebook at www.facebook.com/AuthorMelodyHeckGatto
I'm on Twitter at My Personal Twitter.
Tweet me and we can chat by private message, or PM me on Facebook and we can chat. If you have my email, email me.
We lost a wonderful friend.
He will be forever missed but never forgotten.
So, my stress-free days are gone again. My heart hurts and my head is spinning.
When does it go back to normal? Is there really even a normal?
If anyone read this whole blog, thank you for listening to my run down memory lane.
Time to go finish dinner for the family and try to get some work done. I think some chocolate might also be in order. Maybe lots of chocolate. Or a donut. Pink frosting with rainbow sprinkles like Homer Simpson would eat.
In Loving Memory...
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